Safety, Support & Superheroes

20.8.2016 | 01:18

You may have noticed recently that my blogging has gotten all off-schedule.

Sorry about that.

The past couple of months have been … interesting, and not always in the good way.

(Remember that old Chinese curse?  “May you live in interesting times”?  Well, my “times” have definitely been interesting lately.  Or something, anyway.)

The main part of what happened was that my safety and support network fell apart.

One sad person with the word Help on him stands apart from the group, being rejected and needing psychological or medical attention

Like … completely disintegrated.

Or at least that’s how it felt.

There were several events where I was supposed to feel safe or have a group to support me.

It didn’t quite work out that way in reality….

I won’t lie:  It’s been really, really hard for me.  And I’ve struggled with it.  As a matter of fact, I’m still struggling with it.

The people I can normally depend on to be there for me … weren’t.

Personally, professionally … all around.

And I fell through those holes.

Hard.

Man Hand writing Indifference with black marker on visual screen. Isolated on background. Business, technology, internet concept. Stock Photo

I came this close to not caring anymore.

I didn’t want to write.  I felt like I had nothing to say, or that no one wanted to hear it.

That’s not okay.

I do have things to say, and there are people who want to hear it – or even need to hear it.

And I fell down on the job.

I wasn’t here to support you.

To be completely honest, I didn’t even want to be here.

I started questioning everything:  Do I even want to do this anymore?  Do I want to keep writing, creating content?

I was even contemplating giving up on the program Debra and I are creating.

I just didn’t care.

I’ve been telling myself that part of it is just the peri-menopause.

business concept - bored and tired woman behid the table

That little adventure can really mess with your moods.  (And boy howdy, has it ever been messing with mine….)

But I realized the other day that it isn’t just about others failing me.

One of my dear friends and colleagues, Steph Jackson, with whom I’ve been working for over a year now, said something recently that I had heard her say before, and it got me thinking.

When she coaches you, she tells you right up front that she isn’t going to have all the answers for you.

(Hint:  I’m not going to have all the answers for you either.)

She tells her clients – and I’m one of them, so I know this – that we have to take responsibility for our own health, and our own successes (or failures).

We have to be our own health superheroes.

Well, guess what?

I haven’t been a superhero lately.

I haven’t even wanted to be a superhero for the past couple of days.

My safety net and support network didn’t fail me.  (Well, they sorta did, but that’s not really my point.)

I failed me.

I allowed others to provide that feeling of safety.  I needed others to support me while I was struggling.

And hey, they didn’t.

And it really messed with my head.

Yes, we need to reach out to others when we need help.  Absolutely.  That’s part of being a community – we all help each other when we need help, right?

But we’re only human.

And sometimes … well, sometimes we’re going to screw up.

We’re not going to be there when someone needs us.

So here’s the thing:

When it gets right down to it, we have to stop giving our power away to others.

We can’t leave it to someone else to make us feel safe.

Awareness Concept - Golden Compass Needle on a Black Field Pointing.

Sometimes we need to reach out for help – and hopefully we’ll reach out to the right person, the one who can give us what we need at the right time.

But we also – sometimes – need to stand on our own two feet.

For what it’s worth, this isn’t over for me.

I need to take some time, do some deep digging and soul-searching, and figure out just what it is that I need.

I need to figure out what I can do for myself, and where I need help.

And then I need to reach out to my support network, and if I can’t find that support there, I need to try someone else.

But I need to connect with my own inner strength first – my superhero self – and stop depending on others to do it for me.

Sure, some days I’ll just want to play video games or watch “Game of Thrones” or something.  (Shh, don’t give anything away – I’ve only seen the first season so far!)

And that’s okay.

I don’t need to be a superhero every day.

I just need to know that I can be one when I need to be.

That I can count on myself to be strong, and step up and be here for me.

Because if I can’t depend on myself to do that, then I can’t be here for you.

I can’t help you tap into your superhero self.

And that is not okay….

Because I can’t fix all your problems.  I don’t have all the answers for you, remember?

Vector illustration of a female superhero silhouette

But I can at least try to help you find your own inner superhero.

So you can be there for yourself when your safety net or support network falls apart.

Now if I could just decide whether my unlikely superhero name should be the Divine Dragon or the Fairy CatMother….

14 comments


  1. Lisa
    August 20, 2016 | 4:58 pm
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing!

    We are all a blessing in one way or another.
    I am afraid to start coaching thinking that I will say or do the wrong thing, look like a fool or even sound like one. My confidence needs a boost just like my spiritual life, which is very important to me. If I don’t pray everyday I feel out of sink. So, again thank you for your thoughts and most of all sharing your straggles. We all learn and grow through them. Please take care and keep reaching for understanding.


    • daletchworth
      August 21, 2016 | 12:01 pm
      Reply

      Thank you, Lisa, for the support. Good luck to you on your own journey, both professionally and spiritually.


    • daletchworth
      August 25, 2016 | 8:09 pm
      Reply

      Lisa — I think we’ve all got those kinds of fears. We all grow by sharing our experiences with others as well as how we work through our challenges. All the best to you on your journey as well. Thank you so much for the support.


  2. Cherie
    August 20, 2016 | 5:52 pm
    Reply

    It made me sad to hear you felt that way Diane. I do think we all go through this sometimes. I’ve had to back off a little because my doctor told me I need to get my stress levels down and unfortunatly trying to start my coaching business and start writing a blog was a big part of that. I want you to know that you are such an inspiration to me and please let me know if there is anyway I can ever do to support you. You are needed and I hope you find your inner super hero real soon! ❤


    • daletchworth
      August 21, 2016 | 12:03 pm
      Reply

      Thank you, Cherie — I know Diane appreciates the support. It sounds as though you’ve been having rough patches too — wishing you the best as you work through your stress as well as trying to do the things you’re clearly passionate about.


    • daletchworth
      August 25, 2016 | 8:11 pm
      Reply

      Cherie — you’ve got to do what’s best for you, to be sure. Stress is no minor matter. Diane so appreciates the support of you and her other professional “peeps” — she’s working through this. Having her recent epiphany helped tremendously. And she’s working on that superhero thing!


  3. Paula
    August 22, 2016 | 9:28 pm
    Reply

    So hard to know what to say…it seems very insightful to realize that we need to be there for our own self. And yet, you are such a beacon of light in the internet world, in the way you offer support and encouragement to others, that I am sad that it wasn’t there for you when you felt that you needed it. So glad that you are “keeping on keeping on”!! 🙂


    • daletchworth
      August 22, 2016 | 10:52 pm
      Reply

      Thank you, Paula — Diane appreciates your support and she is “keeping on.” 🙂


  4. Brad
    August 22, 2016 | 11:09 pm
    Reply

    Thanks for sharing. It’s harder to share the tough stuff rather than the joyful stuff. That probably means it’s more worthwhile. I’m sorry you’ve gone through some challenges. I feel you. There are times I want to quit too.

    Keep going! Even if it’s only one step after the other. You are appreciated and worthy of support!


    • daletchworth
      August 25, 2016 | 8:14 pm
      Reply

      Brad — This one was difficult for Diane, but she’s finding her way through these challenges. “If it don’t kill you, it just makes you stronger” and all that. I think we all have those days where we’re ready to quit. Thank you so much for the support!


  5. Brandi
    August 23, 2016 | 5:06 pm
    Reply

    Thanks for the vulnerable share. Life is about being human… it’s not always sparkles and rainbows. I am so glad you could feel the darkness so you could share this and move through it. If we try to cover up the dark spots with gold paint, eventually that paint is going to crack. The deep inner feelings that make life real include darkness. Embrace it to move through it, is my motto. And, as you did, it allows us to figure out the why. Hope you’re feeling better this week!


    • daletchworth
      August 25, 2016 | 8:15 pm
      Reply

      So true, Brandi — life’s challenges and such make the sparkles and rainbows all that more worthwhile. Light and dark are just opposites — we can’t have one without the other. Of course, when one or the other starts feeling out of balance, it’s time to take stock and work through it. Diane is doing better, yes! 🙂


  6. Andrea Caprio
    August 24, 2016 | 7:46 pm
    Reply

    We all have rough patches and it feels like never getting out again. Me too I am having a hard week so I can feel you. I am gonna sit down now and have a hard look at myself and what really matters, get my priorities right, but most of all I am gonna shout out to the universe to give me some signs and I am gonna listen. Usually that helps a lot. Thanks for your honest share, it felt good to know that I can share too


    • daletchworth
      August 25, 2016 | 8:17 pm
      Reply

      So sorry to hear about your challenges, Andrea — it sounds like you have an excellent plan to move forward, by pausing for a while. Yes, you can always share. 🙂

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