Accepting (My) Limitations

27.2.2016 | 04:34

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Dragon Dispatches from the Divine Dragon

I mentioned in my last blog post that my doctor gave me some follow-up “homework” after my intense energetic detox session.

It took me a while to get comfortable with what I had to do, but I sat down, went to my safe space – Fire Dragon armor, with Archangel Michael at your back, feels very safe, FYI – and wrote what I needed to write.

I even “blew” any residual anger and blame into the paper, using my fiery Dragon breath….

I burned the paper, releasing the emotions with it.

I felt quite peaceful after this little ritual.

But part of what was making me uncomfortable about the “homework” assignment was an intuitive feeling that it simply wasn’t going deep enough….

I think there was more to the emotional energy than just old anger or blame.

I think there was also a large dose of guilt and shame….

The word Guilt written with a pencil on white paper. An eraser from a pencil is starting to erase the word guilt.

I’m guilty of many of the things for which I’ve blamed others.  (There’s a name for that – we call it “projection.”  Guilty as charged.)

And I’m not proud of that – so pile some nice, gooey shame icing onto that guilt cake.

But since the ritual release of the anger and blame, I’ve been having a few epiphanies about the guilt and shame.

I’ve realized that most of that feeling arises from trying to be what other people need me to be.

I’ve been a “people-pleaser” for as long as I can remember.  All of my adult life, at any rate.

Depositphotos_cannot_please

And you know something?

It just plain doesn’t work!!

We can never be “enough” to meet someone else’s needs.

This is why it’s so important to learn how to be “enough” for ourselves.

I’m not the perfect daughter, the perfect sister or the perfect friend.

I can’t be.

I can’t meet your expectations.

I can only do the very best I can.

I may not always be there for you, even if I wish I could because you mean a lot to me.

And even if I am there for you, it still might not be enough to meet your expectations.

This really smacked me upside the head, and hard!

I’ve been living my life trying to be what others need.

But I have to start being what I need, with no apologies or regrets.

I mean, yes, I’m sorry if I can’t be what you need, but I’m not sorry.  I hope that makes sense….

(It does in my head, but my head’s a pretty unusual place sometimes.)

No one else can make me happy, or fulfill my innermost needs.  It’s funny, because I’d already reached that conclusion, and no longer held those expectations of others.

But I had apparently not yet let go of trying to meet others’ expectations of me.

Amazing, isn’t it?

In any event, it’s important to me to be my Authentic Self, as we discussed in my Transformational Nutrition course.

It’s how I want to show up in the world, but it’s also how I need to show up in the world.

It’s also how you need to show up in your life and the world.

Hand and butterfly hand painting, tattoo, over a blue sky, concept for spiritual symbol of soul

Please feel free to contact me if I can help in any way.

(And if you want to take a deeper look into the issues of guilt and shame, I highly recommend the work of Brené Brown.)

11 comments


  1. Jace
    February 28, 2016 | 4:21 am
    Reply

    Thank you. I used to play the guilt and shame game. No more. It’s no longer my thing. Peace and love fits me much better. I’ve also learned that I am not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Goods stuff.


    • Helena
      February 28, 2016 | 4:24 am
      Reply

      Good on you Jace. It was great reading your to the point and forward-life-affirming comment.

      Carry on Letchworths!!


      • daletchworth
        March 1, 2016 | 12:24 am
        Reply

        Helena — thank you so much! Diane and I are going to see just how far we can go — as far as we’re concerned, the sky’s the limit! Debra 🙂


    • daletchworth
      March 1, 2016 | 12:23 am
      Reply

      Thank you, Jace! Excellent insights there. It’s such a hard concept to grasp, that we’re not responsible for others’ happiness. I’m still struggling with that as well. Debra


  2. Frew
    February 28, 2016 | 11:54 pm
    Reply

    I relate to this excruciatingly so. What a support group we could be…so hard to take care of myself when I’m “programmed” to take care of everyone’s esteem but mine.


    • daletchworth
      March 1, 2016 | 12:25 am
      Reply

      Frew, it’s amazing how much we can learn from one another. Glad this post resonated for you. Debra


  3. Brad
    February 29, 2016 | 5:19 pm
    Reply

    Great self-awareness and strength to take those challenges steps to take care of yourself and accept yourself for being you.

    I think trying to please others is a societal systemic issue. By supporting our own health, we support a transition for a better world for everyone.


    • daletchworth
      March 1, 2016 | 12:26 am
      Reply

      Brad, I agree with you. We’re all “programmed” to think it’s selfish to take care of ourselves for taking care of others, and yet, it seems absurdly simple (to quote Sherlock Holmes) that we really can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves. Here’s to a better world, indeed. Debra


  4. Cherie
    February 29, 2016 | 5:58 pm
    Reply

    Boy, does this article really speak to me! I’ve come a long way from always trying to be the people pleaser but a part of me will always struggle with that too. Thanks for sharing your insight on the subject!


    • daletchworth
      March 1, 2016 | 12:27 am
      Reply

      Thanks, Cherie! So many of us are struggling with this — Diane did a fabulous job of getting it into words. Debra


  5. Andrea
    March 6, 2016 | 11:59 pm
    Reply

    Great article

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